Day 365 of the Craziest Personal Growth Journey of my Life

It seems appropriate to have this be the first blog post I’ve ever written in my life because today marks the 1 year anniversary of the craziest personal growth journey I have ever been on in my life. 

This day last year, I was 38.5 weeks pregnant with our baby girl. We had just moved out of our parent’s house and into our first home 10 days previously. I had been experiencing some pretty major pregnancy insomnia and had been having consistent contractions for almost 2 weeks leading up to that day.

I was majorly tired and anxious, but SO excited to meet our baby girl and to find out what life with 2 kids is like. 

Grant and I packed up to go play with my mom at her house for the afternoon. It was the prettiest day, and the fall leaves on the mountain by my parents’ house were starting to turn--my favorite time of year in Mapleton.

We had invented this game during the summer while I was pregnant where we would give Grant a huge bowl of ice cubes and let him throw them over the railing of the deck in the backyard. It was the perfect toddler game--it would keep him occupied for 10-15 minutes, and I didn’t have to do anything. The ice cubes would melt and hopefully provide a little water for the plants below. 

Long story short, he ended up dumping out the bowl of ice cubes this day and was pushing them around on the patio. He stepped on one and slipped right down onto one knee with the other leg out in front of him and instantly started screaming.

After 30 minutes of not being able to console him, we decided to go get him checked out by a doctor to make sure there wasn’t something serious going on.  

I was shocked when they said the x-ray showed that his left tibia was broken. We left with a leg splint that would allow for swelling overnight and a plan to go to a different clinic to get his full leg cast (from his toes all the way up to the middle of his thigh) put on the next day.  

I can’t quite remember how I was feeling that night. It definitely felt daunting to imagine what life with a newborn and an immobile, casted toddler would be like. But I was still so shocked that his leg was actually broken that it was hard for me to wrap my mind around anything else. 

My angel mom offered to come sleep over at our house that night. She knew I already hadn’t been sleeping very well and that there was a good chance Grant would be up most of the night too, so she wanted to be there to help. We all got tucked in sometime between 10-11 and Grant surprisingly went right to sleep.

At 3am almost on the dot, I woke up with a really rough contraction. I’d been having them pretty consistently for over 2 weeks, so I didn’t really think much of it. Then another one came that was worse.

My initial thought was, “there is NO way I can go into labor right now” but then I also thought, “How convenient would it be if I WAS going into labor? My mom’s already here with Grant, so we could just hop in the car and head to the hospital.”

Well, the contractions kept getting worse and worse and closer and closer. We ended up leaving for the hospital around 4 am and our Norah was born around 11am the next morning. 

That was a really long story to give you an idea of 1 really crazy day in our lives. But it’s an important part of the story because it was part of the catalyst that led to me making some huge changes in my thinking about myself, in my thinking about my role as a mother, and about how I finally decided to nurture some of the gifts and talents that I believe were given to me by God.

We survived the first 6 weeks of Norah’s life and Grant’s cast with no huge issues. Surprisingly, it actually went very smoothly.

Six more weeks went by until we were back on my mom’s back patio, this time in late November, and things were starting to freeze. Grant slipped on a frozen puddle of water, and we ended up in another leg cast--this time for his right leg. 

The morning before this event, I had gone back to see my OBGYN because I was really struggling. I don’t think I was quite experiencing postpartum depression, but I was having a really, really hard time and I needed help.

At this point, Nate was leaving for work around 7am and didn’t come home until 7pm. Norah was still only sleeping 3-4 hour stretches at night, but Nate was working so much I didn’t want to bother him with getting up with the baby. Grant was really struggling with all of the changes happening in his little life in addition to all of the emotions that come with being a normal 2-year-old.

The days were really long and hard, but I was also CRAVING getting back to working back on my business. 

 I bawled all the way home from that appointment because I finally identified and admitted to myself for the first time in my life that I wanted to work seriously on my business. I didn’t just want it to be a hobby. I wanted it to be a company and a brand. I wanted to work.

Up until that point, I never thought in my life that I would hire someone to take care of my kids so that I could work. I had some serious mental blocks that kept me from ever considering that as an option. But ultimately, I decided that hiring someone would be the best thing I could do FOR my kids--it would make it possible for me to have my creative outlet and fill my personal cup so that I could be more present for my kids when I was with them. 

That decision was solidified when the day ended with Grant in another cast. I needed help.  

Since then, despite the significant challenges and issues the world has faced in 2020, it has been a year of significant personal growth for me. I’ve invested more hours into my business than ever before. I’ve invested more into myself by paying for courses, conferences, and coaches than I ever have before (besides when I was in college). 2020 has been the first year of my life that I have given myself permission to aspire to be a successful business woman.

I was always trying to extinguish that desire because I thought that meant that I would have to put my kids second. But I’ve realized that by letting the desires of my heart grow and by putting a few hours per week of time and intention into them, I’m doing the BEST THING I could ever do for myself and my family.

My kids know a mom who is happier and more fulfilled. They get to learn that they’re not the center of the universe (even though they still kind of are to me). They get to see their mom working hard at fulfilling her dreams. They get to see their dad support the HECK out of their mom. We don’t have to stress as much about finances, we get to travel more--the list goes on and on and on. 

The purpose of this post is to peel back some of the layers and show you more about the woman behind the screen and the business--to show some of the deep struggles and challenges I’ve faced but to show you how I’ve worked (and am working) through them, and how I’m cheering you on that you can too. 

Your deep personal desires may not be to own a large, thriving business. Only you can know what those personal desires are.

But I’m here TO GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO ASPIRE. Whatever mental, cultural, or emotional blocks you’re facing--I want to encourage you to just consider what could be on the other side of them.

So many student I work with who are getting their businesses started are SO worried about failing. They’re worried about what people will think of them. They don’t believe they’re worthy of success. They don’t know if they’re capable of success. They’re worried about giving up time with their families. 

And it’s okay if you’re still in a place where you’re trying to figure all of that out. I just want you to know that I’ve been there and I’m here for you now if you need a mentor to help you crush those mental barriers. 

Who knows. Maybe today will be day 1 of your new personal growth journey.

Cheering so freaking loud for you,

-Kaelynn